i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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