i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
