I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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