this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
