my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
