Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
