pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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