Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize