Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
