Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
