What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
