a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
