thus making me awesome and them whores
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My ass is underappreciated
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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