"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
