No stitches, just platelets and will power
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
