All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
