i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
babies were throwing up all over the place
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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