Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The power of my boobs compel you
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize