two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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