Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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