I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
