Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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