Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
