he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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