i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
