shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
