You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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