I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
