between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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