In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize