Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
