Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
