I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
