All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize