I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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