i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
being pregnant is like rehab
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
