I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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