i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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