genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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