I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
