The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize