I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
