but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize