Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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