I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
