Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
