thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
