we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
