I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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