he puts the penis in happiness.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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