Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize