Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
