I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize