I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Even my vagina gasped.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
