I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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