I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
