he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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