If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Im just a social blackout drinker.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize