her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The Olympian is in my bed
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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