im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
