remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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