margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
