By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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