I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
