so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
