"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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