I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
