she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
