worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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