Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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