Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
