I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
