I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
