i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
